noises from dog n’ moon.

We’re in the process of rewriting the course descriptions for a local university so that they can include them in their recruiting materials for student prospects. The descriptions were written by one or more instructors in the given department and needed to be unified so that they each reflect the language of the university’s current campaign.

My first one was enjoyable. I decided to begin with the B.A. in Art outline. Not only do I know a thing or two about the field (*wink-wink, nudge-nudge*) but I just enjoy the world of academia and how it intersects with practical existence.

But then I chose Business Technology… and now I have a headache. Please, enjoy:

1. General Description of Major: Business Technology (also referred to as IT) has been a key enabler for organizational transformation. As businesses continue to grow and change, technology continues to play a strategic role in organizational planning and business operations. Most importantly, companies have been leveraging information technology to develop business intelligence and competitive advantages. As business requirements continue to evolve, the need for utilizing technology to meet the changing business environment also grows. As a result, the need for business and technology skilled workers has been growing rapidly. To meet these needs, companies have been looking up to higher educational institutions to integrate the concepts of business requirements and technology applications for data analysis, information management and business process improvements.

2. Who/What type of student would be interested in Major: The Business Technology program has recognized these trends and has been preparing students to meet these challenges as well as industry requirements. The program also continues to change its attributes to reflect the current industry requirements so as to prepare students with the necessary technical, intellectual and business communication skills. In addition, it equips students with key competencies to understand business processes and enterprise information systems to transform corporate cultures, operational methodologies and business practices to position the organization for strategic competitiveness and success. Our graduates have demonstrated success in meeting these business and technical requirements.

I have no qualms with business, or technology, or information, or IT employees, or progress, et al. And actually, I have no problem with the individual who wrote this course description. He or she is obviously in touch with what he/she does for a living and many of us rely on his/her expertise to keep the internet, networks, and all of the ones and zeroes in the right sequence. What I have a problem with is a guy writing advertising materials in such a way that only those on the inside know what on earth he’s talking about.

This post is definitely NOT just to poke fun at someone else or to revel in another’s oversight. This post is to offer you (the small/ large business owner) a reminder that your advertising language needs to have the personality of a face-to-face first impression.

Think about this: the most successful first-time meetings happen when one person is warm and inviting to the other and some foundational interaction takes place. Then, when both parties feel comfortable, some depth, complexity, and detail is added to the conversation. More often than not, when one person begins the conversation with awkward personal details or with the desire to look like the smartest, best, most perfect human specimen in existence, the other is turned off and the relationship starts an abrupt decline. When advertising, you have the ability to endear yourself to your potential clients- but you also have the ability to come on too strong (with esoteric language) and to do more harm than good.

Take a word of advice from this university who is hiring an outside agency to rewrite their copy- even when they have highly qualified people in-house. Good design (and essentially, good advertising) is about simple words and pretty pictures. Look us up, we can walk you through it.